Fie! Poor Me

Trying to tie up loose ends before the great trek to Seattle. I heaved and ho'ed a couple of bags of steer manure and cotton burr mulch to spread on the back garden here at the house. It had rained yesterday a bit and I wanted to get this all out before the sun hit. I am not sure whether I am burying wild flower seeds which will now have difficulty penetrating the mulch, or whether perhap I am amending the soil so they have a better chance, or even, horrors, am I making the soil TOO rich for some of these desert plants. Is there a metaphor here? Let me give it some thought.

Went to school to finish what I could do in respect to cleaning - without the Lead K teachers there.

It was very discouraging. Years of neglect and stuffing odd things away in a basket and hanging on to everything (except stuff I found in the trash I sometimes hauled out!) I think that part of the horror and ennui is that I have been guilty of similar things (though never this awful, ha ha) and I have some of the zeal of a convert working in me. It is AWFUL and DEPRESSING. Should never be in a Waldorf K.

I know my lead will freak out and think I made things worse. What I did was haul things out of cupboards that no one has looked at. I put them out on the table. I washed shelves and put other things back.

I also got rid of papers and notes that were several years old and totally irrelevant. I have to get out of Dodge. It is just as well that I continue as Assistant and not as Co-Teacher. I have had no energy to work on songs, circles, stories.